Vanquished
by Kassandra Luem
Summary: Sometimes it’s just minutes before she gets up and dressed again, sometimes they lie like that for hours. But Kate always leaves before Juliet goes to sleep and the sheets are always cold again once she closes her eyes." One-Shot; Juliet/Kate


So here comes my next Juliet/Kate fic, even though I'm not fully reponsible for it this time. Thank Carly for her awesome prompt if you like the story or blame her for putting certain images in my head. I hope you enjoy!

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Vanquished

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The cold hits Juliet's skin like a physical blow as Kate moves off from on top of her. For a second, Kate freezes mid-movement, then she slowly comes to rest at Juliet's side on the narrow bed. The cold is immediately replaced by the warmth of a human body next to her. But Juliet knows better than to get too comfortable, because Kate is laying stiffly and avoiding her eyes. And Juliet knows what this means. She's so familiar with Kate's retreat mechanisms she could act them all out in perfect chronological order. Or just scream in frustration.

But she's doing neither, because she knows it won't change a thing. Well, maybe it would. But certainly not for the better. And so she holds her tongue. Because Juliet has learned long ago just how dearly you can pay for just going with your emotions.

And in a way, it's better like this. Better without the attachment. She knows she could fall for Kate if she just let herself. But she won't, because Kate clearly doesn't want her to. Each and every pore, every muscle of her taunt, turned back screams she doesn't want her to. And maybe, Juliet is just too afraid of falling again herself to try and change anything about their current arrangement. She can live with Kate's turned back. She can live better with Kate's turned back than she could with Kate's loving gaze upon her and the inevitable disappointment in her eyes and her disappearing footsteps further down the line. Yes, it is better this way.

Kate shifts beside her and Juliet thinks that she can't possibly be comfortable in that position. Usually, Kate stays like that for a while. Sometimes it's just minutes before she gets up and dressed again, sometimes they lie like that for hours. But Kate always leaves before Juliet goes to sleep and the sheets are always cold again once she closes her eyes.

They don't pretend this is anything other than quick, mindless sex. As soon as the haze of lust fades from their eyes, they're uncomfortable in each other's presence. Kate's body is just betraying her in a way Juliet has long ago taught her own not to. Kate, being with Kate, does make her nervous. Uncomfortable. But it's a kind of uncomfortable Juliet slowly finds herself growing accustomed to. Besides, it's reassuring in a strange way to know that they at least care about each other enough to try and not hurt the other's feelings in the aftermath of their lustful encounter.

But tonight all that reasoning doesn't serve to calm Juliet. Tonight, Juliet watched Jack flirt with Kate over the campfire and she almost got sick at the sight. It's not like she has any right to feel jealous, but hell, she is. Feeling jealous. Kate and her, they may just be casual sex, but that's still something. They may not even be talking to each other, but when Kate's moving on top of her, when her eyes widen at something Juliet does to her body, she feels connected to her. Connected in a way she hasn't felt to anyone else for ages. And she's not ready to lose that to Jack. Boyscout Jack who's got his whole own fanclub here anyway.

So tonight, Juliet just wants Kate to relax for a moment, because she's wound up enough herself and Kate all taunt beside her really doesn't help things. Besides, she won't bite. And it somehow stings that Kate would trust her enough to give her body away like that and then go back to treating her like she was the enemy the very second they're done. She's so tired of this back and forth that tonight, she breaks their long established post-coital behaviour pattern.

"You really aren't very good at this, are you?" she asks and under all the tiredness and frustration she actually finds a trace of amusement at the picture they must make, naked on her bed, like that. Kate's head snaps around so fast Juliet worries for a moment that she'll give herself whiplash.

"What?" she asks and her brows are drawn and her defensives stance makes Juliet want to sigh. "What are you talking about?"

"This…" Juliet says and gesticulates with her hands so that the movement ends up encompassing the clothes on the ground, the bed, the knocked over, makeshift nightstand and the soft glow of the two candles in the corner.

"It's okay, Kate. You don't have to pretend. I don't expect you to stay the night. I don't even expect you to stay at all if you'd rather leave straight away. And it's okay. Just do as you like."

Kate then looks at her as if she'd grown a second head. And for a second Juliet almost wants to take the words back because there's something on Kate's face that unsettles her. But then she remembers the stiff, unyielding back and she tells herself that things couldn't go on like that.

"You want me to leave you alone?" Kate speaks then and Juliet's eyes are travelling up her body from the left hand holding the sheet to her midsection to the right holding it together right above her chest. And then her eyes come to rest on intense brown orbs and she doesn't know what to say. Because she definitely doesn't want that. But she also doesn't want Kate to be here and be so not here at the same time.

"I want you to do what you want to do, Kate. I want you to come over when you want to come over and I want you to leave whenever you want to leave. I mean, you can't tell me you're comfortable laying like that. If you don't want to be here, then you shouldn't. That's all I'm saying."

For reasons Juliet doesn't understand a brief flash of something like betrayal washes over Kate's face. And while Juliet's still puzzling Kate moves to get up from the bed. With a sinking feeling she watches as the brunette puts her jeans back on, then her bra, then her shirt. So she really didn't want to stay. Well, it's not like she didn't know that before. It's just that having proof doesn't make it easier either. Kate wants to leave. That's okay. Absolutely okay. After all, she didn't want strings attached either.

Once she's dressed and already standing in front of the tent flap, Kate turns around and looks back at Juliet who's still laying on the bed with her hands clasped under her head. A long, silent look passes between them and then Kate turns around and the flap falls closed behind her and Juliet finally can't hold back the sigh anymore. Why does it feel like this is the last time she's ever going to see Kate leave her tent like that again? And why does that thought come with a constricting feeling in her chest and a lump in her throat?

When Kate stumbles out of Juliet's tent that night, there are so many emotions running rampant in her body that she can't even decide on one dominating feeling. If it's Juliet's betrayal that hurts the most or her own shame at being caught up in a situation like this.

Well, actually it's not that big of a deal, she thinks. It's not like they had anything serious going on, so it shouldn't bother her that much if Juliet doesn't want to wait for her to get her act together and start getting comfortable in the other woman's presence.

But she does feel slightly stupid because she actually thought they were on the same page there. She thought Juliet was going to give her time, she thought Juliet was the one with enough patience to watch her overcome her insecurities. Even if Juliet really doesn't give a shit, she'd thought she was going to give her the time she needed.

After all, it's not like Juliet cares if she relaxes in her bed or not. It's not like Juliet was ever going to want her for cuddling. Maybe she doesn't mind Kate staying afterwards, but she certainly doesn't actively want her to. She's not sure Juliet actively wants anything that might have to do with emotions. She's never met anyone with as little emotional gamut as her blonde former jailor.

But then she has to smile. Because really, she has seen emotions on Juliet. Probably more than anyone else at the camp. And the sight she remembers, the sight of Juliet coming apart under her hands is a sight to behold. Every time the blonde closes her eyes in bliss, every time her mouth opens just slightly, every time she arches against Kate's hands with all that she has, Kate knows where she belongs. And every time she comes down from that high she tries to cling to that feeling but it keeps escaping from her clenched hands.

She looks at Juliet then and she remembers that face contorted with passion. And each and every time, blue eyes are staring right back at her and she asks herself what's running through the blonde's head. She wonders how Juliet would react if she knew what Kate feels every time she gives herself to her like that. She probably wouldn't like it at all. But then again, there are those moments when Kate could swear there is something in Juliet's gaze, something like warmth, like caring, like gratefulness.

And she let herself get lured in by that. She allowed herself to think that maybe Juliet cared enough to share her bed with a turned back for a few hours every fortnight until maybe, one night, it might be Kate's front she's sharing her bed with.

Well, stupid enough, really, she berates herself. Why in the hell should Juliet care? Why should she wait? Everyone knows about her instincts to run, so if Juliet tells her to just do as she pleases she could just as well have told her to get the hell out. Who knows, maybe she just got tired of Kate. And Kate sure as hell isn't going to impose.

What was she thinking getting involved with Juliet in the first place? And why does it bother her so much that Juliet seems to care so little if she stays or goes? No strings attached is what they agreed on, no strings attached is what Kate wanted, so all things considered she really shouldn't be stumbling along the beach in a daze right now. She should be in her tent, asleep, relaxed and sated.

But she isn't, in fact she's so out of it that she doesn't hear Jack approach until he's standing right in front of her.

"Kate? Are you okay?"

Yeah fine, just peachy. I only kinda got thrown out of the tent of the woman I am – or was – having something like an affair with, but never mind. And how are you, Jack? Is what she wants to say. What she ends up saying is

"I'm fine. I just couldn't sleep and went for a walk. How about you? Why aren't you sleeping?" And just like that she turned to conversation on him, hoping for him to share his concerns about Locke's weird behaviour and those zillions of other things so she can let her mind wander while his deep baritone and solid presence root her in the present.

He doesn't do her the favour however and just gives her a long look before sitting down and staring at the ocean.

"When I came here, I was all angry. I was angry at my father, at my ex-wife for leaving me, at her new boyfriend, at everything and everyone. But I'm not anymore, Kate. This island, it changes people. And you know, I'm kind of glad it did with me. Isn't that weird? We all want to go home, this place killed dozens of our friends and keeps killing them and here I am, saying I'm glad on some level that we ended up here."

He gives a bitter laugh and Kate feels inexplicably pulled to him, for no other reason than just the fact that he gave her another problem to worry about. As long as she's trying to reassure him, as long as she's dealing with his problems, she doesn't have to deal with her own.

"You're talking to the wrong person here if you want someone to tell you that it's absolutely wrong and morally despicable to feel like that. I'm the one who would've ended up in jail if we hadn't crashed here. So trust me, I get that feeling."

"Yeah, I know. I just can't help but wonder if I'd be the same person in the real world that I am now, here."

"I can't answer that for you, Jack." She says and her voice is soft and heavy with possible lives they could all have led. "But I'm sure you would've gotten over your anger eventually. This island doesn't make you a whole new person, it just brings out certain traits of character more than it does with others."

He thanks her and gets up again and when he offers his hand she takes it and they walk back to the camp together. Jack thinks she knows the answers to all of his problems. Jack thinks she's the one to help him lead those people.

And while she wants to laugh him in the face at that thought, she can't help but feel good about it. Jack may not have a clue, but Jack believes in her. Not like Juliet, who gave up waiting. Kate sighs and bids goodnight to Jack and when she falls asleep she sees blue eyes staring at her with an equal amount of disappointment and longing.

Over the next few days, she doesn't go to see Juliet and Juliet doesn't come to see her. Jack keeps seeking her out, keeps talking to her, touching her on the arm, the back, the shoulder. And every time she catches a glimpse of blue eyes and blonde hair, she moves a bit closer to him. Finally, one night at the campfire, when everyone's long gone to sleep, he leans into her and places his hands on either side of her face before moving forward to kiss her. And for a second she feels trapped, his hands on her face making it impossible to move, his lips coming closer and closer.

She wants to pull back, to put some space between them, because somewhere in the back of her mind she sees somebody else's closed eyes, somebody else's hands that used to touch her face but never made her feel trapped. And then she remembers Juliet's words, remembers her indifference, remembers her saying that Kate clearly wasn't comfortable on that bed with her. And if she didn't want to be there, she should just go.

So as his lips reach her mouth she opens it instead of moving away. And when his hands wander down her body, she throws her arms around his neck. He doesn't have Juliet's finesse and he doesn't have her fierceness but he's gentle. It doesn't matter that he's on top and she never feels like coming home as he's panting in her ear. When she her turns her back to him, he just throws his arms around her shoulder and pulls her back up to him. She can't sleep that night and his breath is too hot and his hold too tight, but he obviously doesn't mind the turned back.

Not that Juliet did, for that matter. She simply didn't care at all. She just had enough of Kate hanging around her space.

It's only the next day, when Kate slips out of Jack's tent with her hair all mussed and her eyes still bleary with sleep and she finds herself face to face with the blonde in question that she changes her opinion. Juliet looks at her first like she can't believe her eyes, then like someone punched her in the gut and then Kate can see the moisture welling in her eyes even as her face moulds itself into a perfectly expressionless mask. Then she turns around and quickly walks away.

Maybe Juliet did care after all.

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So what do you think? Love it, hate it? Just let me know!


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